Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
