i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize