she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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