I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
