I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize