i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
