I can't watch pbs sober anymore
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
