I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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