I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
