Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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