Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
