hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize