You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My room smells like vodka and shame
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize