She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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