and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
