Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize