sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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