I hate your face
just tell him i said nine months
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
