God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize