College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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