You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
