if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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