Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
