Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
