just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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