I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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