there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
