Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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