I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
