just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
