and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
