i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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