I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
