By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
