Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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