Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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