I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
