I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
