Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my being single is dangerous.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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