She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
