Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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