Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I can't turn off my feet"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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