Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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