Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I need moral support for this bender
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
