Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
