sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Randomize