HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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