Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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