i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
