I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
