I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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