im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
