Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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