He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
