Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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