sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize