We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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