My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
