Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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