My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
