WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize