Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
